Here Goes Nothin

So apparently people write their thoughts on the internet for the whole world to see all the time, for all sorts of reasons, and other people like to read those thoughts?  I don't particularly understand why anyone would want to read the rambles of strangers, especially when it's personal and not particularly political or educational ... but hey, I'm not one to judge.  I suppose personal crosses into the realms of many other categories and it can be interesting ... but I still don't understand.  On the other hand, I love to write, and I rarely can keep up with my own thoughts.  I rarely can understand my own thoughts, unless I sit and stare at a wall and just think (and in that case I need other people around, water dripping in the sink, and the tv on ... you get the idea ... just to concentrate).  I generally will just talk them out BUT I can only talk to so many people for so many hours of the day.  I also, don't always want people to know what's going on.  I'm tired of not being able to express what I'm feeling completely because I'm afraid that someone is going to say something I'm not ready to hear, or that I'm going to scare someone away, or that they'll tell me I think too much (I do!).  I tried seeing a counselor at my college for a while, thought it might help when I was going through a rough patch and I felt like I had exhausted all other options ... and he always told me to write it down in a journal.  I couldn't!  1) I felt awkward writing to myself or some imaginary figure and 2) The only way I can keep up with my brain is to type.  Here, I can pretend that someone else is on the receiving end, somewhat realistically, and I don't get hand cramps!  (I'm long winded, I know, and it probably seems ridiculous that I don't get hand cramps from typing, this fast, BUT ... thanks college!  I'm particularly desperate to figure out a way to get all this crap out because I just recently decided to throw my life into a black hole and move cross-country!  From New York to California, how much different can you get?  All I know, all of my wonderful friends, some of my family, my school, etc etc. is in New York ... all except for my Mom & Brother.  After my whole life fell apart about a year ago ... I managed to pick myself and my life up on my own and in that, decided to visit California for the summer.  What the hell!?  Well, I fell in love with the place.  It's beautiful (northern cali) ... I can hike any time, any day, any month!  And, I can be with my mom ... That's the big kicker!  At the same time, I have one friend here so far & I'm kinda dating him, so i can only count on that one SO much!  I got a job out here, so that's good, and it keeps me around people, but you never want to share too much personal information with your co-workers so ...  i basically have no friends.  Awesome!  I talk to my friends from NY daily!  But ... the time differences is killer, when I get out of work its 10PM in NY and too late to call for most people.  And, I hate bombarding them with stuff, especially when its stupid shit like this.  Also, because of my move, I have to take the semester off to transfer schools, and that means no classes! no papers! no writing!? I don't think I can handle that ... I love writing.  

I'll be floored with surprise if someone actually reads this ... but if you do, it'd be cool to know how the hell you found it and why you're reading it.